


Mayday

by xavierching



Series: Mayday [1]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Jinmark, M/M, Markbum, Multi, Polyamory, Romance, Suicide, Threesome, Threesome - M/M/M, Unrequited Love, Yearning, markson, mayday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-29 19:25:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12091782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xavierching/pseuds/xavierching
Summary: ‘I had been in love with you even before you debuted as JJ Project,’ Mark explained softly, ‘it was Jaebum at first. I felt so guilty and confused. How could I fall for my best friend’s boyfriend who was also my best friend?''And then I realised I was in love with you too, Jinyoung,’ Mark’s voice quivered, ‘sweet and lovable Jinyoung-ie,’ the older smiled indulgently.‘Unrequited love is hard enough. When you’re in love with a couple, the torment doesn’t just double. The feelings, yearning, jealousy, sadness, desperation… they amplify exponentially.’[Prequel "We under the Moonlight" now available]





	Mayday

The midnight blue.

Mark felt his heart racing and his breath shallow and rapid. Like every time he had too much vodka. 

Leaning against the window pane, Mark saw faintly an empty street. Moist leaves, mingled with broken twigs, scattered all over the ground. His sight was obscured by swollen eyes. His limbs felt weak. And there was this constant attack on the back of his head. 

Whenever he closed his eyes, his best friends’ faces emerged. 

Jinyoung with Jaebum. JJ Project. The parents of GOT7.

//Jaebum and Jinyoung laid next to each other, ready for pillow talk. They recounted how Mark and other trainees used to fight due to language barrier. Mark-hyung. Their best friend. Their _family_ friend. //

Jaebum and Jinyoung appeared to be married for years. After a long day of work, and after putting the five kids to bed, the pair could finally chat about mundane everyday things. The domesticity hurt Mark.

Mark spent each day, and sometimes night too, to erase himself. So much so that he felt as though he was weathering. No happiness. No agony. No self. No nothing. When all repressed emotions resurged, they sept through his veins and captured him like quicksand.

//Jinyoung walked towards Jaebum, waiting for the latter to hold his hand. Once their gaze met, their surrounding erased. They had eyes only for each other. No one mattered. Not even their best friend who held an ounce of hope that, maybe, just maybe, they could grant him a drop of love.//

Mark knew indulging in tears jeopardised his health. He had been having difficulty breathing recently. And crying solely made breathing harder. Mark was unsure whether the dizziness resulted from his drunkenness or his difficulty in breathing. Probably both.

Mark’s breath now royally went out of control. He gulped for air and willed himself to calm down. Yet, there was this weird taste in his mouth. Somewhat salty and sweet and bitter. He tried to swallow the nauseous feeling.

And failed. But he had nothing to throw up. Just a symptom of him abjecting himself.

His emotional eruption seemingly calmed slightly. Though his heart still beat abnormally fast, Mark could at least feel oxygen returning to his system. He wiped his tears with his sweaty hands. His cold palms cooled his burning cheeks. 

Mark’s thought returned to the trigger of the chain of events that night.

That box.

Mark had been out to pick up another bottle of vodka to cure his insomnia. He had broken his wake time record, thirty-one hours. When he returned to the dorm, a tin box occupied the mailbox. He saw his hands reaching for the box shakily. Mark had to down two shots of vodka before he plucked up the courage to unbox the package. 

A torn Mark plush doll. With seven razor blades. A card wrote in fancy cursive, ‘help yourself.’

In a frenzy of panic and desperation and sadness, Mark downed a couple more shots of vodka. 

It was not as if Mark had not fantasised how his skin would feel against sharp edges. He had always been a good kid. Scars were hard to conceal so he never cut himself. But that could not deter him from relishing in the dull pain from bruises caused by MAT practices, or the sharp sting from paper cuts. 

The blades refracted the faint glow of street lights. 

Mark felt eerily tranquil staring at the silver blade. His fingertips glided across the cool surface and traced patterns on it. He exhaled, as if blowing vitality into the metal. The blade seemed to be reverent. Mark felt obliged give it blood. The sole precious thing a lowly, distorted person could offer.

The idea fascinated him. The reverence of bodily pain, of blood loss, of hurting himself.

Yes, it was holy to Mark because that had always been the way to validate his existence. The gateway to self.

Mark picked up the blade and examined it against his ivory skin. He had to find a good place to land the cut. If Jaebum and Jinyoung were bound by an invisible red string of fate, Mark would grant himself a visible one. So he made up his mind. The wrist.

Mark did it elegantly without a haste. The blade ran across his pale left wrist. The line was straight as Mark prudently left the most flawless trace. Blood gradually oozed from the wound and trickled down his forearm. The pattern looked beautiful. The scarlet strokes spread on his ivory skin evenly.

Mark sighed with content. He closed his eyes and relished in the moment of peacefulness. A tiny smile decorated his face. He had not felt so at ease since the day he realised his feelings for his best friends.

\----

It would be a huge understatement to say Jinyoung was excited. He had been stuck with Jaebum for too long for the JJ Project comeback. Not that he did not like spending time with his boyfriend. But he simply missed Mark. Sweet, gentle, childlike Mark-hyung.

‘What are you thinking about?’ Jaebum hugged him from behind and snapped Jinyoung out of his trance.  
‘Tsk, I’m thinking about the last time I had Mark-hyung in my arms,’ Jinyoung scowled and shot Jaebum a cold stare.  
‘I hate you,’ Jaebum mumbled, ‘I miss Mark too.’  
Jinyoung oozed the pride of a victor, ‘told you to reschedule your plan of going home.’  
Jaebum wanted to smack the stupid grin off Jinyoung’s face but he knew nothing would dampen his good mood. He would be as goofy if he could see Mark. 

‘But seriously, check on him,’ Jaebum reminded, his leader presence returning full force, ‘he looks off and he lost so much weight.’  
‘Yes, sure,’ Jinyoung sighed, ‘that’s why I ask you to come with me.’  
‘Jinyoung,’ Jaebum frowned.  
‘Alright, I’ll be with Mark-hyung soon,’ Jinoung’s excitement dispersed the tension.  
‘Tell him I miss him,’ Jaebum’s sincerity almost flooded.  
Jinyoung rolled his eyes with fake annoyance.

On the way back to dorm, Jinyoung could not help but prayed that the JJP comeback could end soon. Leaning against the car window, he reminisced the last time he napped on Mark’s shoulder.

Sure, he and Jaebum had been together longer. They shared an unspeakable bound which everyone envied, particularly Mark. As the three of them got closer, the couple’s feelings for their mutual best friend morphed into something deeper. It took them some time to figure out this mess of feelings. For a long time, the couple considered their affection unrequited. Yet, after Jackson started his solo promotion in China, Jinyoung began to suspect that Mark actually loved them back.

Jaebum and him decided to confess to Mark after finishing the JJP comeback. Of course they wanted to have Mark as quickly as possible. However, to leave Mark behind at the beginning of a new relationship would jeopardise it.

It was raining outside. Moist leaves, mingled with broken twigs, scattered all over the ground.

Jinyoung could not help but sigh. He knew Mark was hurting. The longer they stayed silent, the longer Mark suffered. He had enough of Mark putting a fence between them. Enough of Mark enduring pain in his room alone. Enough of Mark pretending he did not care. 

Jinyoung almost leapt out of the van. He was aware that he walked too briskly. That his hands unlocked the door unsteadily. That one shoe laid on the floor up-side-down.

The open door signalled that Mark was still up. Jinyoung chuckled to himself as he imagined how Mark’s face scrunch with concentration on his game.

Something’s wrong. Jinyoung halted.

He sniffed the air to detect the source of that smell. The smell which triggered him to puke his guts out whenever he went to the fish stall with his mother. What the hell? Fish blood?

Blood?

‘Mark-hyung,’ he called whilst sprinting to Mark’s bedroom. With each step, his bile rose and that scared the shit out of him, ‘Mark-hyung!’

Mark laid on the floor with blood all over the bedsheet and his white tee shirt.

Jinyoung’s brain shut down. He needed oxygen to think. He recklessly gulped in air and he almost vomited.

‘Calm down, Park Jinyoung,’ he slapped his face hard.

His hands were shaking and sweating and his nerves went haywire. He had to calm the fuck down and think. As soon as Jinyoung regained rationality, he rummaged for his phone and decidedly called the emergency line.

‘Mark attempted suicide. He cut his wrist. There was a lot of blood,’ he reeled off, ‘address is 5A, 40, 81-gil, Apgujeong-ro, Gangnam-gu. Please send an ambulance –’  
‘Is he conscious?’  
‘No.’  
‘Calm down. An ambulance is on its way. Put yourself on speaker and follow my instruction,’ a calm female voice said, ‘tie his forearm tightly to stop blood circulation.’

Jinyoung remembered that Mark stored his ties and belts in the third, no, second drawer. He tugged the tie as hard as he could. But his strength was slipping away.

‘Done.’  
‘Now move his wounded arm above his heart.’

Jinyoung cautiously moved Mark’s arm. He wanted to throw up and just cry. Mark’s left arm was wet. The lukewarm liquid felt abject against his palms.

‘Done.’  
‘Now open the door for the paramedics.’

Jinyoung did not want to leave Mark for even a second. He and Jaebum had left Mark on his own and this happened. 

Paramedics arrived shortly and rushed Mark to the hospital. On the ambulance, Jinyoung could only watch how the paramedics manoeuvred around Mark. He could not even hold his hand.

Mark just laid there. Immobile. With the oxygen mask covering half of his pale face. Tears on his lashes yet to dry.

Had Mark’s heart been bleeding all this time? Had Mark been dwelling in agony all this time? Had Mark been thinking about him and Jaebum all this time? Even when he cut himself? Even when he was losing consciousness? Even now?

Jinyoung abruptly realised he should call Jaebum. He pulled out his phone, only to find the screen marred by Mark’s blood. He speed-dialled 2 and prayed that Jaebum would pick up his phone in this ungodly hour. Jinyoung’s face relaxed slightly when the call was through.

‘Park Jinyoung –’  
‘I’m on the ambulance with Mark. He –’  
‘What the fuck?’ Jaebum woke up completely. Jinyoung detected the maximum level of vigilance and anxiety in his voice, ‘what’s go –’  
‘Shut the fuck up and listen to me,’ Jinyoung willed himself to calm down, ‘he – he attempted suicide. I need you to be in Seoul Hospital now.’  
‘Fuck,’ Jinyoung heard Jaebum kicking something in the background. Jaebum’s breath was shallow and rapid.  
‘I’m coming now. Is he – is Mark alive?’  
‘Yes.’  
‘Does manager-hyung know?’  
‘No.’  
‘I’ll call him. I’ll be right there.’

Mark had been sent to the private ward after the blood transfusion at the A&E.

Jaebum pressed a chaste kiss on Mark’s forehead. He had not the chance to do so for so long. Ever since the confirmation of JJP comeback, Mark pulled away from him and Jinyoung. The couple attempted to show Mark affection, whether through sweet-talking, caressing him or pecking on his cheeks.

The situation deteriorated drastically that month. Jaebum knew the lack of meetup time was merely an indirect factor. Mark was hiding from them. Their texts ignored. Phone calls ignored. Facetime calls ignored. Even if they so fortunately saw each other face to face, Mark put a polite distance between them. Mark’s elusiveness worried him. Jaebum lamented his passivity. Had he persisted in pestering Mark, he would perhaps know what bothered him.

Jinyoung could map out Mark’s bone structure with his thumb. He did not remember Mark being that bony. The last time he sneaked into Mark’s room to secretly cuddle his hyung, Mark’s face had been reasonably skinny. The realisation that his love lost so much weight in one month saddened him. 

Jinyoung gently dabbed the tearstains away with a wet cloth. He could remove the traces on Mark’s face but perhaps not his heart. What happened? Why couldn’t Jinyoung pay more attention? Did he still have the right to love Mark? 

Jaebum took the towel from Jinyoung and pulled the younger into his embrace. Jinyoung’s self-control melted. Suppressed tears fell freely onto his boyfriend’s shoulder.

‘There was so much blood. All over the floor,’ Jinyoung wept, ‘and Mark just laid in a pool of blood, holding a razor blade,’ he shuddered at the recollection, ‘I was so scared. I – I didn’t know what to do. I was so scared that Mark was dead. I tied up his arm but there was still so much blood.’  
Jaebum caressed Jinyoung’s hair, ‘Jinyoung-ie, you did well. Mark will be alright. He’ll wake up soon and we’ll be with him.’

Soon, manager-hyung arrived and took over the situation. The maknaes were informed but prevented from rushing to the hospital. Against Jinyoung’s protests, manager-hyung sent the pair back to the dorm. Jaebum had to pry Jinyoung away from Mark’s bed and untangle their laced fingers.

After putting Jinyoung to bed, Jaebum finally had the chance to assess the situation. He dreaded approaching Mark’s room. The sight would brutally mock his incompetence and remind him to be disgusted of himself.

Shell-shocked.

When Jaebum regained consciousness, the smell invaded his nostrils and rushed to conquer his senses. His hands instinctively protected his nose, even though he gulped for pure oxygen. 

There was so much blood that the rusty scent lingered in the air. Jaebum immediately grabbed the towel and rubbed the floor viscously. He reasoned that he could not focus on scrutinising Mark’s private space without a proper environment. Then he would not be able to dissect Mark’s heart. But truth to be told, Jaebum had not the courage to confront Mark’s suicide.

The towel was dyed reddish brown. That however did not deter Jaebum from rubbing fervently. Soon, traces of the tragedy were removed from the floor. And the physical exhaustion blunted Jaebum’s streak of evasiveness. 

He came to accept that Mark had attempted suicide. He had almost lost his baby. Im Jaebum was an insensitive bastard unworthy of Mark. 

Therefore, Im Jaebum would strive to become worthy of Mark. He had not felt such fiery resolution since he debuted with Jinyoung. The newfound motivation energised him.

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and cleared his mind. The first step was to find out what tormented Mark, apart from him and Jinyoung. 

Tees, caps, socks and ties scattered all over the ground. Many of them were dyed reddish brown by Mark’s blood. Jinyoung must have rummaged for things to tie up Mark’s arm. Jaebum shoved the clothes aside.

A glass was knocked over next to a bottle of Absolut Vodka. Mark had good alcohol tolerance but he did not drink very often. At least not for American or Korean standard. Back in trainee years, Jaebum almost solely saw Mark drink vodka with Jackson. And almost every time, Mark cried in Jackson’s embrace as he muttered in rapid English. Mark would be so exhausted, emotionally and physically, that he fell asleep in Jackson’s arms. That was how Jaebum learnt that vodka was symptomatic of Mark’s emotional breakdown. 

Jaebum had not seen vodka for quite some time. The last time was probably before Jackson departed for China for good. Did Mark miss Jackson? Did Mark hurt himself because of Jackson? Did Mark love Jackson?

Jealous thoughts had to stop. Jaebum slapped himself hard in the face.

One-fifth of the vodka was gone. But Jaebum found a couple of empty bottles under Mark’s desk. Mark had been toeing on the verge for so long. Yet he never even noticed. None of them did.

When Jaebum picked up the razor blade, his hands were visibly shaking. Mark’s blood on his fingertips. It was as though the blade was cursed. It burnt him like blaze, causing him to drop the metal. He attempted to catch it.

‘Ouch.’

Jaebum could not imagine how agonised Mark felt before he cut himself. He could not fathom what pain made letting one’s own blood feel trivial. 

There was a tin box sitting in the corner. 

\---

Mark was unsure how much blood he had let.

When his blood oozed out relentlessly, Mark thought that he had already done everything for his love for Jaebum and Jinyoung. He had invested more than enough on an unrequited love. If he died, it would be a good death. The real reason for his suicide would forever be a mystery and him forever a Markstery. Oh, his humour returned. If he did not die, it would be a good near-death. He felt his self merging with himself again.

His entire being was cleansed, despite remnants of negativity in his veins. It was not hope that he had. Rather, nothingness. No, close to nothingness. 

Mark promised himself to let go of Jaebum and Jinyoung. And then Jackson. 

Such was the concluding remark on his near-death experience. 

Knowing that light would irritate him, Mark gradually opened his eyes.

Someone fell asleep on him whilst holding his hand. It took Mark a moment before his eyes could focus.

‘Jinyoung,’ Mark’s voice came out raspy from disuse and vodka. He attempted to withdraw himself from Jinyoung but the younger would not budge, ‘Jinyoung-ie.’  
Jinyoung rubbed his eyes groggily, ‘Mark-hyung.’

It had been a while since Mark saw Jinyoung. It saddened him that the younger looked so fatigued. Mark tried to reach and ruffle Jinyoung’s hair. This act apparently woke Jinyoung up completely. 

‘Mark!’ 

Jinyoung wrapped Mark in his embrace. For a moment, the two did not utter a word. Mark understood that Jinyoung properly needed the hug. But to Jinyoung, the hug meant so much more. He substantially felt that Mark was really there, in his arms, and that he did not lose his hyung, ‘you scared the shit out of me. I thought I lost you for good.’

Mark patted on Jinyoung’s back. His throat too tight to make any sound.

‘Mark!’

Mark’s little watery smile almost infuriated Jaebum but the hyung’s earnestness melted his heart. It reminded him of the gentle and cheerful American boy all those years ago. Without realising, Jaebum returned an equally watery smile.

After the medical check-up, everyone dropped by to visit Mark. Bambam cried so much that Mark’s shoulder was soaked. Yugyeom had to grab his collar and drag him to the next shoot. Youngjae smuggled Coco into the ward and make Coco ‘clean’ her appa’s face.

Silence once again returned to the ward. Mark decided to tell his best friends everything. He beckoned the pair to sit down. Jaebum fidgeted on his chair as Mark contemplated where to begin. Jinyoung wanted to hold his boyfriend’s hand but dared not. 

‘Ah, I dunno where to start,’ Mark sighed, his gaze fixed on the ceiling.  
Jinyoung reached for Mark and rubbed little circles on the back of the older’s hand.  
‘I’m sorry you have to see that, Jinyoung-ie,’ said Mark, finally looking at Jinyoung, ‘it must’ve been difficult. I’m sorry.’  
Jinyoung shook his head vigorously and tears began to form in his already puffy eyes.  
‘And you too, Jaebum.’  
When Jaebum’s and Mark’s orbs met, the younger could hear his own heart breaking. He did not know why.  
‘Mark –’  
‘Let me go on before my resolution wavers,’ Mark smiled. 

‘I had been in love with you,’ Mark said gently, ‘both of you.’  
Jaebum and Jinyoung exchanged an astonished gaze. Well, Jaebum, mostly. Jinyoung was convinced that Mark returned their feelings. Just that the sudden confession caught him off guard. A second or two later, Jinyoung abruptly tightened his grip on Mark’s hand and snapped urgently, ‘what do you mean by “you had been”?’

‘I had been in love with you even before you debuted as JJ Project,’ Mark explained softly, ‘it was Jaebum at first. I felt so guilty and confused. How could I fall for my best friend’s boyfriend who was also my best friend?’  
‘Hyung –’  
‘And then I realised I was in love with you too, Jinyoung,’ Mark’s voice quivered, and his gaze fixed on their joining hands, ‘sweet and lovable Jinyoung-ie,’ the older smiled indulgently.

‘Unrequited love is hard enough. When you’re in love with a couple, the torment doesn’t just double. The feelings, yearning, jealousy, sadness, desperation… they amplify exponentially,’ Mark’s smile remained despite the trickling tears. He wiped his cheeks roughly with the wounded hand before Jaebum’s hand could reach Mark’s face.

‘Being around you becomes so difficult. I crave your attention. I want you to talk to me, pat my head, touch me and hug me. I want your love but I will ever only have your affection. I thought it’d be better when you guys debuted. But turned out it’s just as tormenting. I missed you guys so damn much. And seeing you guys together blatantly reminded me that I would never ever have your love.’

Mark had to pause because he cried too hard. He gasped for air and attempted to regulate his breath. Jaebum held Mark in his arms and kissed the top of Mark’s head. He only wanted to cradle Mark and nurse him with his blood. Mark’s heart had been bleeding for too long.

Jaebum desperately wanted to confess to Mark. That he and Jinyoung loved him to pieces. That they yearned for his love. That they hoped to grow old with him. But Jinyoung had warned him not to act rashly. With Mark’s insecurities and stubbornness, he would deem their heartfelt confession to be pity. 

‘I’m sorry baby,’ Jaebum said whilst caressing Mark’s hair, ‘I’m so sorry.’

Mark’s breath gradually evened out and Jaebum let go of him. He understood that Mark needed to talk this through. Jinyoung apparently shared his idea.

‘Hyung, we’ll be here to listen whenever you want to talk,’ Jinyoung assured.

Mark nodded, braced himself and resumed.

‘Sometimes I cry myself to sleep. Sometimes I can’t sleep at all. And then Jackson found out. I didn’t want him to know. I didn’t want him to hate me. He’d been the only one I could turn to. Luckily, Jackson became my guardian angel. When I cried, he’d lend me his shoulder. When I needed to talk, he’d listen. When I was drunk, he’d take care of me. Without Jackson, I dunno what I would have been.

‘Later on, Jackson was given the chance to develop his career in China. He did not tell me at first. But he looked so off so I coaxed him into telling me. I asked him why he hesitated. I mean, Jackson’s not one to turn down any opportunity. He replied he didn’t want to leave me. He worried I would hurt myself without him around. And then we started arguing. Until he shouted “I fucking love you, Tuan Yien!” 

‘I’ve been hurting him all this time. All this fucking time. But he never stops loving me. Not when he’s miles away.’

Mark relapsed. He halted to regain his breath. When he spoke again, his voice trembled.

‘The least I can do for Jackson is to stay strong. I cannot become his hindrance. I try to stay happy, eat well and sleep enough, even though I am hurting every day. I have been coping alright until this month. It’s like back to your JJP debut time. And then I’ve been told that I have to go to China. I don’t want to hurt Gaga. He’s better off without me. And then I keep receiving hate messages and death threats. Everything in my life goes wrong. And I have no one to talk to. I feel so depressed and frustrated and exhausted. That night, when I held the blade in my hand, I just –’

Mark buried his face into his arms. Jinyoung and Jaebum sat on the bed and had their arms around Mark’s small frame. Jinyoung hummed ‘Kiss the Rain’. Mark listened to that track whenever he felt distressed. It took some time for Mark’s breath to even out. Jaebum patted Mark steadily until the older fell asleep. 

For the next two days, Jinyoung and Jaebum almost camped in Mark’s ward. They only ever left Mark’s side for JJP promotional activities. During those breaks when Mark was alone, he would look at the patients strolling in the garden, or go for a walk himself. He would reminisce moments with Jaebum and Jinyoung, and moments with Jackson. He would think about ways to let go of them and to forgive himself. Everything was looking up. Manager-hyung had handled the death threat problem. The police had identified a suspect and was monitoring his activities. Mark’s development plan in China was also postponed to give Mark more time to consider. 

On the fourth day, Jaebum and Jinyoung were out for their final JJP activity.

‘I’m sorry, Mark-hyung,’ Jinyoung kept rubbing his head against Mark’s shoulder, and looked at him with puppy eyes, ‘this is the last one.’  
Mark chuckled at the younger’s puppy-like behaviour, ‘be a good puppy, Park-gae,’ and ruffled Jinyoung’s hair indulgently, ‘or you’ll keep the Ahgases waiting.’  
‘We’ll be with you soon, baby,’ Jaebum assured.  
Mark rolled his eyes to conceal the fact that his heart skipped a beat. Jaebum recently kept calling him baby and Mark kept feeling flustered, ‘go or you’ll be late’

Mark took the time to stroll in the garden. Then he napped for a couple of hours. Since it was two hours before dinner time, he decided to watch the film Bambam recommended him last night. Whilst he rummaged for the DVD, someone knocked the door. 

‘Jackson?!’ Mark exclaimed with astonishment, eyes fixed on Jackson’s face.  
Jackson pulled Mark into a tight embrace, ‘Markie.’  
‘Why are you here? I thought you have a photoshoot in Shanghai this evening?’ the older asked softly at Jackson’s ear, easily slipping back to his mother tongue.  
‘I wanted to take the earliest flight back when I received manager-hyung’s message,’ Jackson explained, ‘but I had an important project going on. Hyung helped me to reschedule the photoshoot so I can see you.’

Mark and Jackson sat side by side on the bed. Mark leaned on Jackson’s muscular arm, suddenly feeling nostalgic. Jackson had always been there for him. It was time for Mark to be strong. Quietly, Mark told Jackson everything.

‘I’m sorry for hurting you, Gaga,’ Mark said softly, meeting Jackson’s eyes, ‘I am a terrible friend. I’m really grateful for everything you’ve done for me.’  
Holding Mark’s hand, Jackson replied genuinely, ‘you don’t need to apologise. I choose to love you. But I know you need this from me. I forgive you, Tuan Yien. So you should forgive yourself too.’  
Mark burst into tears and threw himself at Jackson, ‘Gaga, thank you. Thank you so much.’

Jackson chuckled before he shifted to a more serious demeanour, ‘Mark, I want you to tell me honestly. What do you think about working in China? It’s ok if you don’t want to. Tell me and let me help you.’  
Mark pulled away from Jackson and sighed, ‘I think I’m more inclined to say yes to the plan at this moment. But –’  
‘But?’ Jackson prompted.  
‘But I think being around me will make things hard for you. I don’t want to hurt you or be a burden to you anymore,’ Mark replied candidly.  
‘I’m always happy around you,’ Jackson sighed, ‘even if you don’t love me that way.’  
‘I’m sor –’  
‘You will not say sorry again,’ Jackson interrupted with fake annoyance. 

Jackson shifted Mark so that they faced each other. He looked into the older’s orbs and said solemnly, ‘Tuan Yien, I need you to listen carefully. If one day, you suddenly decide that you want me to be your boyfriend, I will be very happy. But for now, I am happy to be your guardian angel. I am happy to be your special friend. Love me or not, I just want you to be happy. Understood?’

Mark nodded faintly.  
‘Now, apart from my feelings, what are your concerns?’ Jackson persisted.  
Mark took a deep breath and replied, ‘I want to be away. Away from Jinyoung and Jaebum. So that I can truly let go, and move on.’  
‘My Markie has become strong and mature,’ Jackson chuckled affectionately.  
‘I’m serious, Wang Jiaer,’ Mark snapped.  
‘Why don’t you first hear what they have to say?’ Jackson smiled sheepishly.

Jaebum and Jinyoung, holding a red rose and a white rose respectively, appeared at the door. Jackson gave Mark a wink before leaving the ward. 

Mark cocked his head with perplex, ‘did you get flowers at the fan meeting today?’  
‘Hyung, you’re a mood spoiler,’ Jinyoung grimaced, ‘they’re for you.’  
‘Erm, you don’t need to bring me flowers now I guess?’ Mark chortled, but received the flowers nonetheless, ‘I’ve been in the hospital for like four days already.’  
Jaebum scratched his head and smiled like he always did before doing aegyo, ‘Mark, I – we –’

‘We love you,’ Jinyoung stated.  
Mark chuckled, ‘ok, I love you too.’  
Jinyoung sighed and added, ‘we are in love with you.’

Mark bit his lips anxiously and did not utter a word. Jaebum could tell from his eyes that millions thoughts were swimming in his head.

‘You don’t have to do this,’ Mark refused to look at them, ‘you don’t need to do this out of pity or guilty or whatever. I’m trying to move on. I’ll be alright soon. I just – I just hope that we’ll remain best friends?’

‘We are in love with you. We confess because we want to be with you. We want to be your boyfriends,’ Jaebum reeled off with frustration, ‘I want the three of us to raise cats and puppies together. I want to propose to you and Jinyoung in Paris. I just want the three of us together!’

Jaebum’s ears were all red and his cheeks pink. He was rarely so vocal about his feelings.

‘Mark, we are serious about this. We’ve thought about it thoroughly. We planned to confess after the JJP comeback. I didn’t want you to feel alone or insecure at the beginning of our new relationship. That’s why we decided to wait,’ Jinyoung assured urgently.

Jaebum held Mark’s and Jinyoung’s hand in his. He kissed Mark’s knuckles and looked into his orbs, ‘do you know that red rose symbolises romantic love and white rose symbolises a new beginning?’  
Mark shook his head, tears forming in his eyes.  
‘These are what we promise you, Mark,’ Jinyoung smiled, ‘our love and a new beginning.’  
Mark burst into joyous tears, ‘am I dreaming?’  
‘I can assure you no,’ Jaebum chuckled. 

Jaebum pulled Mark into his embrace and kissed the older fervently. He held Mark by his nape and invaded Mark’s mouth with his tongue. Mark responded with equal passion. Jinyoung smiled at the scene. Eventually. The hyungs he loved were kissing each other. He must admit that he had fantasised about it countless times.

Mark had to pull away for air. He looked at Jaebum with misty orbs. His face was rosy and his lips were red. Jinyoung thought he had never seen Mark more beautiful. 

‘Not dreaming yeah baby?’ Jaebum asked with a cheeky grin.  
Mark shook his head and beamed.  
‘I want to kiss hyung too,’ Jinyoung pouted.

Mark pulled Jinyoung closer. He thought Jinyoung would be gentle. That’s why the older let out a surprised gasp when the younger kissed him so aggressively. Jinyoung kept advancing until Mark’s back hit the bedpost. Mark worried that his lips might bruise from the intensity. When Mark went out of breath, Jinyoung proceeded to attack Mark’s pale neck and elicit breathy moans from the older.

Jaebum smacked Jinyoung’s head, ‘stop, you horny little shit. You will not do Mark here.’  
‘I left hickeys on Mark-hyung,’ Jinyoung smirked victoriously.  
‘Jinyoung-ie! How can you?’ Mark also smacked Jinyoung’s head, though he could not stifle his smile. 

\---

The midnight blue.

Mark felt Jaebum’s heart beating steadily and his breath deep and slow. Jinyoung’s arm wrapped securely around his waist. 

Mark never expected things to turn out that way, like he would be sleeping between Jaebum and Jinyoung.

His best friends. His lovers.

//Jinyoung patted Mark’s head. Jaebum shot the pair a quick but affectionate look. So indulgent. Three people. Their world was complete.//

**Author's Note:**

> It has been two years since I last wrote a story. And I am so rusty. 
> 
> Writing has always been a way for me to validate my existence. To many, writing is a process of healing. But to me, every time I write, it feels like my blood trickling down the pen to become words. It feels somewhat like, you know you exist because you can see the blood so vividly scarlet on the paper.
> 
> Thanks for reading.


End file.
